I stumbled across a blog by Katherine Springer, a film journalist who described Sofia Coppola’s film Lost in Translation as “a quiet commentary on displacement and loneliness”. I actually saw this film when it was in the cinema and felt great empathy with the characters. They seemingly lived fulfilling lives, yet they were still lost and off on a soul-searching adventure. This describes me to a tee! I have so much in life compared to so many others in this world, yet I cannot shake the feeling that I am not living the life I ought to be.
In a world with so much heartache, we really should be grateful for the comfortable lives we live. But then maybe that is why we often long for more…
I am fortunate to have visited quite a few countries, but the one country that touched me the most was Thailand. I had befriended the bar girls at my hotel bar, and I got close to one in particular – Annie! I took to her like a little sister; she was young, but very feisty and worldly for her 20 years! In fact too worldly! Her English was very good, and she would always be smiling and happy, trying to get me involved in the bar games. Maybe that’s why I took to her, being so welcoming. As I was a lone female out there, the bar girls looked after me.
Once I got to know Annie a little, I started to ask her about her life. Her parents lived in Cambodia and owned a farm, but they had always struggled and so her father sold her into prostitution from the tender age of 11! Annie told me it was usual for father’s to do that, as they had to make money somehow – I mean, of course, why did I not think that??!!
At 14, Annie moved to Southern Thailand where the money was much better and more regular and that is where she decided to stay. She told me most of her money goes back to fund the farm and to look after her sister who was in the final stages of the HIV+ disease! Annie understood the risks she took, but the money was good.
Annie described the daily routine to me. The girls would often wake around 10 am as they would have been partying quite late the night before. They’d get ready to clean and open the bar for 11 am. The day was always very slow. Often very few punters with many bar girls trying to lure the “sexy men” into their bars! They would sit in silence, play connect 4, or play pool. By mid afternoon, the men would start to come out, so things got busier. By evening their time would be spent drinking and flirting with these men, to try to get themselves bought for the night, to earn some more money. I remember asking Annie what the fee was for them to deliver sexual pleasures and I was literally dumbfounded by her response! The “sexy man” would pay the Mama-san (bar manager / owner) a fine to release the girl from her bar duties (usually around £2). Then if the man wanted a short-time with the girl, the cost was £7, or it was £14 for all night! Now how many of us would work a “normal” night shift for £14? Let alone sell our bodies for that! It was sickening!
I felt so bad living the life I had, that I wanted to give something back. So many nights I would often buy 2 girls. It was nice to have the company, but more so the gratitude they expressed knowing they had a night off, from being leached over, groped, used and abused by complete strangers, that was truly the best money I have ever spent!
Now going back to Annie, as mentioned she was from Cambodia, but she had white blotches over her body. When I questioned that, she told me that the girls often bleach their skin to be more like us white folk, the superior beings! But as she was from Cambodia, her skin was darker than the Thai girls so she had to scrub harder! I was mortified. I tried to explain that we are sun worshippers, desperate to get a tan, yet they would cause their bodies such harm to look more like us!
I know, I have gone off on a tangent about my journey to Thailand, but it is all so relevant. When I was out there, even though the actions from mankind were complete disgusting and heartbreaking, the beauty and tranquility of the Southern Islands were simply out of this world! It was out there that I felt free! No one person to answer to. No one person to try to impress. Stunning surroundings. Music and Dance! And I really did dance like no one else was watching! Completely free and lost with the angels! Happy!
Yet out there, I would believe those bar girls to be just as lost as I am at home. So I asked Annie why she would stay living the life she was, that she was very bright, her English was fantastic compared to most others, and it was her words that I still think about today. They know no different. They are uneducated. Their mother’s did it, and their mother’s before them! A life of prostitution is normality to them! They liked normality! They liked routine!
So maybe that is why many of us can feel so lost. It is not that we don’t appreciate what we have, but we are a greedy nation. We are educated and we always want for more! In Thailand, the girls wanted more love and more money. We are world’s apart in cultures, yet our desires are the same. We want the same things, but in different ways. I do believe a Thai Bride loves the man who chooses her. Not the love that we know. But they have picked her out of so many women. They look after her and provide for her and her family. Therefore they love that person for those reasons. We know better though. We want true love. We want a nice house. We want a welcoming, loving family and friends. We want a satisfying job. How can we regress to a time when life was more simple? How can we find happiness in a world with too much idealism? What are the boundaries between ideal and real? I’m still searching for answers. I am still caught up in a world totally lost in translation…
My Idealistic Realism 